beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
