i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
