my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
