you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
