Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
