You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
