I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
