was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize