I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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