Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
