All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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