Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
