apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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