I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
