dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
