I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
