i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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