I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
