if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
