I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
