Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Randomize
