I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
