we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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