just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
