I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
