I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
