my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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