My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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