guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
