Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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