im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
