UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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