to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
