I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
