If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
