Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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