He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
