You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
