Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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