I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
