so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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