He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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