You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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