I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
