the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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