I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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