I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
