the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
