I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
