I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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